Breaking up is never easy, but the pain doesn’t have to last forever. When a relationship ends, the profound sadness and grief over the loss can seem unbearable. But with time and taking steps to heal, the hurt will subside and you’ll be able to move on with your life. The end of a relationship, whether it was your decision or not, marks not only the loss of the love you had for your partner but also the hopes and dreams you had for your life together. The two of you were going to create that life, only now it won’t happen as you expected. This is the sort of loss that sends you into the depths of grief.
The Stage of Grief
The grieving process after a breakup follows the same patterns as grieving any other loss. You experience the initial shock of the situation, the undeniable truth that things are over. This is the stage of Grief:
“This can’t be happening to me,” you think, as you find yourself crying uncontrollably, feeling panicky and completely devastated. “Not my relationship, not me!” But it is happening, and it is happening to you. The hurt is intense, and you feel out of control. This is when you experience the most emotional pain.
The Stage of Anger
As the panicky feelings subside, you enter the next stage of Anger:
“How could this have happened? I shouldn’t feel this wretched! It’s not fair!” This is when you channel your hurt differently, when you feel that sadness or regret aren’t commensurate with the situation. You feel like scratching an itch that isn’t there, when all you want is for the hurt to go away. This is when you get irritable, annoyed with your partner or yourself for letting things deteriorate to this point. This is the time when you may feel angry, when you need to channel that anger into something positive like exercise. Anger can be uplifting when you let it out as opposed to letting it fester inside you.
The Stage of Acceptance
The next stage is the one of Acceptance. Acceptance not of the situation but of the self. This is when you can let a bit of that hurt go, when you can release some of the pent up anguish you’ve been feeling. This is when you say to yourself, “I have got to put this behind me, I have got to move on with my life.” This is the point when you should allow yourself to start the journey of healing, when you realize that bitter doesn’t have to be better and that happiness can exist again. With acceptance comes the ability to see life from a new, more positive perspective.
The Stage of Revitalization
Eventually after the hurt has been released, after the bitterness has been expelled, you start to feel revitalized. This is when you start to feel like exercising again, when you start to feel like going out and doing things that you enjoyed doing before. This is the stage when you feel like smiling again, when you feel like your inner resources have been replenished after being drained by the sadness. This is the stage when you feel ready to laugh, to flirt, to start over and take a chance on love again.
The Stage of Rebirth
Finally, you reach the stage of Rebirth. This is when you start to feel whole again, when you start to feel like yourself again. This is when you start to feel like moving on with your life again. This is when you start to feel like leaving things associated with your ex behind. This is the stage when you feel ready to form new thoughts, new opinions, new dreams – a new start, a new beginning. This is the point when you feel ready to completely move on.
The Upward Turn
But before you get to the stage of Rebirth there is the Upward Turn. This is when you start to feel just a glimmer of hope that happiness can be more than just a light at the end of the tunnel. This is when you start to gain a sort of optimistic perspective that happiness is out there and can be achieved. This is when you start to turn the corner in your outlook on things, when you start to feel that things can get better after all.
The Crux
But before you get to the Upward Turn, you have to go through the Crux. This is when you hit the lowest point, when you feel that things can’t get any worse than they are. This is when you feel that things are so painful, so intolerable that the only way is up. This is when you feel that you’ve finally hit rock bottom and that the only way is up and out of wherever you’ve found yourself. This is when you feel that things can’t get any worse than they are.
The Upward Turn
And after you’ve hit the Crux, that’s when you start to feel the Upward Turn. This is when you start to feel that things can get just a little bit better after all. This is when you start to feel that things aren’t as hopeless as they were. This is when you start to feel just a glimmer of hope that happiness can be more than just a light at the end of the tunnel. This is when you start to feel that happiness itself is out there and can be achieved.
The Catharsis
And after the Upward Turn, that’s when you start to feel the Catharsis. This is when you start to feel that things can get better than just a little bit better. This is when you start to feel that things can get really good after all. This is when you start to feel that happiness is out there and can be achieved. This is when you start to feel that life can be more than just good enough.
The Upswing
And after the Catharsis, that’s when you start to feel the Upswing. This is when you start to feel that things can get great after all. This is when you start to feel that happiness is out there and can be achieved. This is when you start to feel that life can be more than just good enough.
The Denouement
And after the Upswing, that’s when you start to feel the Denouement. This is when you start to feel that things can get amazing after all. This is when you start to feel that happiness is out there and can be achieved. This is when you start to feel that life can be more than just good enough.
So there is the journey of a breakup, of heartache and the loss of love. But with each stage there is the chance for an upward turn, for revitalization and for a new beginning. Here’s to such an Upward Turn, to such a revitalization after each heartache.
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